I’ve decided that I’m going to try to draw at least a little everyday from now on! I neglected to do Inktober, but that’s ok. I have never consistently drawn every day and if I have any hope of improving I really want to get better at consistently working. I’ve let myself put my interests to the side, and it’s time for a change. I’m trying to realize that whether or not it’s “good” all that really matters is that I enjoy doing it!
So far job is good. The people are laid back small towners and nobody seems to have an ego, nobody is yelling at me, no alpha male types which can really trigger me. I grew up around a lot of abuse to a level of Franz Kafka and his dad and was constantly told I wasn't good enough in the most berating ways. And everytime I want to feel good about myself I never can, it's like constantly out running the demon behind me.
Even though it's mellow right now I just feel like something bad is right around the corner to fuck up my shit. I've had so many things you might consider unbelivable happen to me. But it's all true, every bit. Even if other people might not be capable of seeing or feeling it the way I experience it.
I feel like somebody's going to attack me at any moment. Having to have my gaurd up for phsyical and mental pain. Just really wanna finish this book is what I want. Then at least there is proof that I have value in some way if only in creativity. This piece of art to validate my existance .
I want it to be something good. Maybe not Kafka good but something that would impress somebody else like me maybe. I know, I know, fuck off with that martyre shit. At least I had enough actually bad things happen I can own the pain. Everybody always tells I'm such a nice guy, but I know there's a beast in there. Sometimes I just want to let it out and rock out but I'm scared to because it's already done so much damage. I don't know if anybody should be expected to bear it. Maybe I'm the guy that has to just so something I could actually consider "real art" is made. That's my only hope. That I will have a legacy despite the mess I've created. The work was done.
teppeiando.wixsite.com/home/comics #mentalhealthawareness . #comix#drawing#illustration . #comic
(no) ~ Mezclar amor y cerveza ~
Así va esta serie de ilustraciones que estoy haciendo inspiradas en todas las experiencias del viaje a Europa 🤘🏻 El oktoberfest fue una locura! Cerveza infinita, hotdogs gigantes, pretzels deli y mucho descontrol 💥 espero volver el siguiente año 🙏🏻🖤🇩🇪